Welcome to PhiloNysh's Blog. Here you shall read the randoms rants, and well, thoughts and opinions of an estranged teenage girl. Enjoy, for you shall sincerely be absorbed, or rather, well, bored. It's up to you!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
I am thinking of starting a new blog. Don't worry, it will have the same address, but all this old content will be changed and placed elsewhere. Where that is, I am still to decide.
I just think it's time for a change. I need to make something more perfect for me. If you take a look at some of the first entries, they're not who I am anymore. They're really fickle, and frivilous. I don't wnat to be that person anymore. I want to keep the same content as I am doing now, but I want to improve on a few things:
1. Spelling errors need to go
2. A record of updates which I believe were good
3. A less schoolgirlish outlook on life in general
I don't want to only account my life story- I want to discuss, contemplate and figure out. At the same time I want to change my outlook. Make it a little more tolerate, and less bitchy.
Thus it is time for a change. When my new layout is completed, I will change the address for this blog, and open up a new one, under:
(Yes, it is the same site address)
Monday, March 07, 2005
Archaeological Dig Webpage
Do you remember the entry I posted on Archaeological Dig I went to in Albany, well here are the results of that dig.
Well official results: Click Here It's on page 13.
There are times in your life when you just can't update. For one thing it's just impossible to actually do it while people are in the same room as you, and for another, inside, you just can't.
I just came back from India on the 2nd, so the past month, it was really hard to update. Really- it was almost impossible to find a connection that lasted more than 10 mins without disconnecting. And there, in the Ashram I was staying in, and the amazing disabled kids who give you a reason to smile everyday, its difficult to get away from it all. Truthfully, I really miss it all.
Coming back is depressing. I feel just as distanced from my parents as before. And I feel lonely. I now, it's not something I'm meant to feel, I'm meant to just accept, but it's really hard. Everyone seems like they're a mile away now that they've started Uni. Those old links seemed to be forgotten, or lost somewhere. And almost everyone has changed. But that's life- I know, and in the end you just have to like yourself more than anyone else. You can't rely on people forever. We all live in different worlds, and have different priorities, and thus we can't expect other people to be there exactly when we want them to be.
We were born alone, will live alone (for no-one can live for you) and will die alone. We are alone.
In other notes, I am changing the look of this blog. It's going to be slightly religious, but I like designs which represent who I am. This one is on history, the previous on the environment, and the previous on freedom/philosophy. Don't worry-content will remain the same.
On that note, I shall depart. Thanks.
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
More Sacred Cows, Kenya
It seems time to actually update and visit people's blogs is limited, and with slow internet and othr problems, I find it impossible to do either.
I am in Kenya until wednesday, upon which date I return to India for a month. I haven't been here for 3.5 years, a long time for someone who grew up here, or least, partially grew up here. Things have changed, people have changed, and truthfully it scares me. Nothing seems the same anymore. I find myself looking into myself, and trying to figure out exactly what went wrong (in some cases) and what went right. For example, the most shocking news was when I found out that a girl I've known longer than half my life, someone almsot as close as a sister, has compromised her values for a man whom she does not love (even if she she claims so). Well she is technically still a virgin, but that is only a technical detail.
I have nothing against people who have slept with someeon, but I know she is someone who wouldn't have done that, especially with someoen she's only been seeing for 7 months. I don't know, maybe she's just moving faster than I am, and I feel like I don't understand her (though frankly, I am really quite content and satisfied with being single).
on good notes, an old friend has 'forgotten' a horrible fight I had with er, and its been really refreshing to get to know her again. She's one of those people who just keeps talking, and well, I really enjoy hr company. At least she won't be bored with my non-stop talking!
In the news, someone I used to go to school with was on the front cover of a maagzine I saw, and someone else I went to school with had his grandfather pass away.
Weird stuff tends to happen now I suppose.
Anyway better go. Hope all is well, and thanks for the comments!
Friday, December 31, 2004
I do not have much time to write anything, as I am currently touring the great land of India. Thankfully, I have only been visiting the North, so I was not affected by the horrific events of last Sunday. Well, not physically at least. I cannot begin to exaplin my horror with the tragedies of the events, with, when I last read, over 114,000 people dead, let alone those injured. It is hard to be happy with such horrific news.
I did write a 1500 word update a week ago, but while I was closing it up, the power got cut (surprise, surprise), and thus I lost everything. This trip has been fruitful, though. I think I have learnt a lot more about myself, and about India in general. I feel like I've done something important, minimally.
In other notes, I got my school results, where I recieved a TER of 97.65, which puts me in the top 2.35% of the state in final school results. However, everything I took was scaled down, with the acception of Chemistry, and I was supposedly taking 'hard' subjects. Whatever.
UCL (University College London- sorry, last entry I was talking of English Universities only) sent me an application form while I was away, which was due in on 20th December. Since I didn't actually learn of it until yesterday, I'm a bit worried that I may not be accpeted. However, I have emailed them, and hopefully, they will accept my late admission.
I can't really write anymore right now, I am hogging the computer, and thus must rush off. Happy New Year to all,.and I hope things work out for you this year.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Great, Just Great
I should go a-visiting, but things are tough right now.
I have recieved constant emails from Cardiff, asking for an "English Language" qualification. Are they stupid or something? I sent them a rather friendly email saying, yes, well "English Literature" is considered an English language qualification here, but they weren't happy.
There is no such thing as "English Language" as a subject here. There is "English" or "English Literature", the latter which is officially harder and the one I chose to take. but no, that is unacceptable. Just because these people don't understand the system they won't give me a bloody offer, I'll bet. I bet they think I'm an Australian who calls a u-turn a "U-ee", or says "fair dinkum" the whole time!
Then I had an offer from York, which asked for a "no lower than a B in TEE in all subjects". For one, we don't have grades in the TEE, we get our marks, and secondly, there is no way in hell that I managed to gain a B in English Literature.
Yes, I am officially in mourning.
Right now- I just want to curl up and die.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
It's officially over. Done. Finished. Finito.
Highschool, except for that "last day", which tends to mean nothing, is over. Everything I have worked for my whole life is finished- it's a scary thought. I exactly know what I should be doing right now- There's a constant nag at the back of my head pushing for study, or homework, or something. Then another thought comes a-floating into my head and goes: It's okay, Nishma, you don't need to be studying right now. You *can* actually have fun right now.
It's funny how the world works, do you not think so?
Somehow, the world doesn't end though. It seems just to keep on spinning. Things get complicated, when there is nothing to do. I think today was a day of reflection- which in my case is a point in time where I torture myself into realising that I am a horrible person. Most often, I don't mean to be as heartless as I am. I don't mean for people to think I'm snubbing them because I can't communicate with people I don't know face to face.
I used to be the quiet type, the soft, unconcerned type, who was more a of a listener than a loudmouth. I miss that side of me. I miss the concernes compassionate side of me. I have tried to control myself, in terms of excitement with friends, but somehow, when I'm with people I really can connect with, I tend to do stupid things, and in the end its not a good scenario.
But with all this self-judgement, I was chatting to a friend today, and she's going through what I think is a bit of a rough time. I don't know why, She's an amazing person, one of the most considerate and caring people I've ever met (and in a way I am jealous of her in that sense). But she said the most wise thing today. It's rather pointless to sit there and try make everything perfect, try and construct myself into something I'm obviously not anymore, but to "figure [things] out enough to live with them". She's a wise one for sure.
I suppose it's the transition phase right now, and a chance, I hope, to finally figure myself out enough to live with myself.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
There is something that I've been feeling recently- or its a lack of feeling anything really. I can't put my foot on it, but there is this feeling of nothingness over me. Right now I feel nothing except that I feel nothing. It's like this emptiness in the middle pf your stomach, but it can't be filled with food or anything. I feel hollow, empty, like something's missing.
The fact is right now I have major exams going on, the ones in which I have to do well in order to get into university. But I don't feel motivated to do well, nor to I feel stress, or scared. Every wall around me is crumbling. I feel I have to do well, but I just can't get myself to get around to do anything. I know these exams are important, but I just can't study, I can't concentrate on any work. The only thing I can do is read, or immerse myself in a TV program or the like. I can't work- can't do anything. I feel anxious, but not enough to get any work done- what is wrong with me?
I don't know why I'm telling you this. I have to get some chemistry done, my exam's the day after tomorrow, and I still have 3 papers to go through.
Physics and History didn't go as well I hoped, but they didn't kill me. Right now all I can do is hope for them.
Once these exams are over, and I figure out a few things, I promise I will pay a visit to each one of you. Right now I can only hope to get some work done. Thanks for all your comments, I really appreciate them. You guys rock!
Linkages to Interesting Blogs
C O D S W A L L O P !
Requirements to View This Site
You need at least: 1024 x 768 resolution, CSS enabled, support Div and tables and IE 5 + to see the site properly.|
Note: also you must have respect for other people's opinions, and understand that this is a blog: not a website. Respect that the blogger here may have differing opinions to you, and that this is about her life and what she thinks: not yours.
However on that note, intellectual and respectful criticism are welcomed.
Me! It's all about me!
Nishma. 17. Jain, Vegetarian, Indian background, History Buff, Philosopher, Walking Encyclopedia, Walking French Dictionary, Alias addict, Over-opinionated, BBC Radio listener, Environmentalist, Left Wing Supporter, Anti-Conservative, Progressive, Anti-Fascist, Anti-Communist, Scientist, Student, British, Resident of Australia, ex-Kenyan resident, Read-a-holic, Anti-Alcohol, Anti-Drugs, Anti-Make-up, Pacifist, Truth-Seeking. Female
Listening to: My fingers typing chemical formulas
Reading: Harry Potter et l'école de sorciers
Interesting Fact: China is admitting that their unemployment rates are on the rise due to the closure of industrial sections.
Irritating Fact: Exams, exams, Exams!
Every year thousands of animals, birds and insects lose their habitats due to the huge unnecessary demands of wood, most of which goes to waste.
The environment is severely destroyed, causing problems like salinity, erosion, land slides and desertification.|
Everyone can make a difference. Use less paper, buy less wooden furniture, use less wood, etc. Donations can also be given to certain companies who would like support.
If you know any such companies, please leave me a message or something, so I may add it to my links.